Sorry I haven't written in a while, somehow when you have a baby days get busy and hectic! :)
One of the hardest things that I am struggling with right now, and have struggled with since Raelyn's birth is isolation. I'm hoping other mom's can relate because I kinda wanted to do more of an open discussion for this blog, and hear from other moms and get their advice.
Since Steven is still in school, and works part-time, there are days that I'm home all day by myself and Steven comes home in time to put Raelyn to bed. I try to hang out with my other mommy friends, or make plans so that I'm not alone all week. Sadly, everyday can't be filled, so it gets lonely, and I sometimes feel isolated from the world.
Some days it's just me and my thoughts. I mean, I talk to my little girl, but she can't talk back. I usually end up narrating my whole day to her. When you are with your own thoughts all day, it can be deadly. Sometimes I end up beating myself up all day about what I have an haven't accomplished.
I didn't realize that this was one of my issues until recently. One day I felt like I had a good productive day. I cleaned the whole house, did several loads of laundry, kept my daughter (and me) alive, and worked out. On top of that, Raelyn was happy. However, at the end of the day I felt kinda sad and lonely. I realized that I had been alone all day and I didn't like it. It gets frustrating realizing that this could very well be my life for a while, and some days I just don't enjoy it. Most of these days, I find, are days that I'm all alone for more than 60% of the day. Since I only have one child, maybe it will be different later when I have multiple children and they are older?????
One of the things that is hard about being a full-time mom is learning how to be alone and stay sane, and learning to be at home for several hours at a time. It's just another one of those adjustments to life that I've had to make, that most mom's have had to make.
I'm still trying to figure out ways to not get down or unhappy on days that I have nothing on the calendar and Steven's not home all day. I definitely pray a lot on these days because I know the Lord will always listen to my endless thoughts and continuous rants.
Since I'm still working on this and figuring it out, if anyone has ideas, advice, or encouragement about this topic, please share!
On a happier note:
Today two of my mom friends came over, and we talked for FOUR hours. It was a blast. We were able to get a lot of our thoughts out, and discuss current events of today. It's days like this that make me realize how blest I am, and how grateful I am for my friends and family in my life who give me their love and support!
I'd like to say it gets better... I have lonely days still and it was only worse after moving to Texas. No one gets together often here during the day and you are far from anything so it's not convenient to run to a store if you're bored. You do get used to it overall. But I had a much better social mommy life in Utah. I cried almost every phone call home for the first three years after I moved here. The thing that gets me through is looking for happiness and a sense of accomplishment in the every day. I feel really good putting a warm healthy meal on the table and a clean house, I relish snuggling with my kiddos and look forward to my hubby and older kids coming home. You also need to take time for you. I have hobbies and read a lot of books. I'm twelve years in and still have lonely days but they are easier to handle now and are less frequent.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!!! I'm glad it gets better! I guess I need to recognize the small accomplishments everyday instead of waiting for a huge project to be completed. I have started reading more books, so that has been fun! I am moving to Texas during the summer and would love to spend time with you and your kiddos during the week sometime. And get some good mommy advice! :)
DeleteYea, the babies can play!
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